In case you missed it, Ask Pastor Jim Anything episodes will now be released on a monthly basis. In this episode, we’ll be assessing the criteria for spiritual growth, as well as assessing when we feel we are ready to date and get married.

To check out last episode’s questions click here, and for Jim’s foreword on answering these questions click here.

QUESTION 1.

WHAT IS THE CRITERIA TO ASSESS SPIRITUAL GROWTH? HOW DO YOU KNOW YOU ARE NOT GROWING?

For such a “big picture” question, it’s helpful to consider Prof. John Frame’s “tri-perspectivalistic” approach. You can read much more about it in his books The Doctrine of the Knowledge of God and his Systematic Theology. Now to answer your question simply, there are three areas to “triangulate” and focus upon: theology, doxology and practice. Consider these a “three-legged stool” where the strength and the benefit of each are derived from the support of the other two.

First is theology. But this is not necessarily academic or institutional knowledge. It’s not about having thick books in your library or paying for expensive degrees and certificates. It’s about knowing God’s Word, the Scriptures, and yes, other books and studying anything to aid your knowledge of God’s Word can be helpful. Knowing God and His Word is organic and systematic, just like getting to know another person. Over time we expect to grow relationally, but even in terms of actual quantifiable knowledge bits, as information, facts and data, you do amass them over the same time. According to God’s own revelation [Deut.29:29], it is impossible to grow in relationship with God apart from knowing Him according to His given Word of Scriptures, which we now have in the form of the Bible.

The secret things belong to the Lord our God, but the things that are revealed belong to us and to our children forever, that we may do all the words of this law.
Deuteronomy 29:29 (ESV)

But they are 66 distinct books compiled over thousands of years from various situations and perspectives, all in order to give us a singular message in multi-dimensional, technicolor tour de force. So, my question is, do you know God’s Word? How robustly are you progressing in your knowledge? Consider all these areas:

Narratives (who, when, where, what, how),
Systematic theology (topical and doctrinal categories),
Biblical theology (organic progression of redemptive history), and
Historical theology (progression of all these knowledge and their works by church and human teachers and authors).

This knowledge of God’s Word forms your “normative” by which all other things stand. And no matter how much we dig to mine the riches of His Word, we will discover that we are less than moles before Mt. Everest.

Practical advice: Read the Bible. And read anything that can help you understand the Bible.

Second is doxology, which is in essence your heart of worship, because to know God is to worship Him and love Him. Without these, even the most informed scholars are empty of true knowledge of God. On the other hand, if someone claims to love God and feel ecstatic about Him, but do not know much about His Word, then all those feelings and outer fussing are empty of substance, like a “dog and pony show” instead of a real circus with elephants, lions and tigers! The worship of God is not simply how we feel about God. It is so much more. In fact, such desire for personal inspiration and positive uplifting spirit is the last thing on your mind when you truly know God. The knowledge of the Holy causes you to think of yourself last and the least. When the subject of theology becomes the object of worship, you simply fall prostrate and worship in holy reverence and inexplicable joy. However, our God of the Bible is also gentle and intimate and personal. He walks us through life as we worship Him. Our worship is not limited in some temple or certain time [1Cor.10:31; Col.2:16].

So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.
1 Corinthians 10:31 (ESV)

Worship is all encompassing. It is corporate and personal. Worship empowers life within us and give us love and courage and purpose beyond our own means. Worship melts away all problems and frustrations, and sets our heart on eternal and heavenly matters. Worship walks us through martyrdom, and allow us to face earthly jeers and persecution. Worship sets our hearts on the singular object of our love, our Saviour and Lord, the husband of the church. Worship is the natural response of knowing God for a converted soul.

Practical advice: Pick up a copy of “The Valley of Vision” (ed. Arthur Bennett) to learn how to pray and meditate as a Christian. And never compromise your Sabbath (not legally speaking).

Third and lastly, the practice of God’s Word is in essence applying what we know of God and His will “on earth as it is in heaven” [Matt.6:10]. How do we fulfill His commands and purpose in this life through the medium of our own lives? Certain applicational matters are simply given to us in forms of commands and instructions, but to wisely prioritise and balance all applicational objectives take lifetime to learn. But the goal is not to master various applications, but to simply obey the Lord! Like theology and doxology (worship), even the application ought to be entirely God-centered. If our ministry is simply to serve others or to receive approvals and commendations from others to fulfill our own emotional needs, we will soon burn-out or easily become misdirected. Our ministry is for God and by God as we become His own bodily instruments. Christ is our Head and we are His body [Eph.5:23; 1Cor.12:27-31; Eph.4:11-16]. Therefore, the believers ought to coordinate together our services as a visible church.

If our ministry is simply to serve others or to receive approvals and commendations from others to fulfill our own emotional needs, we will soon burn-out or easily become misdirected.

But also, everything we do outside the church, our work in the marketplace and our family life, and even when we are entirely alone where no one is watching, we minister unto Him who is our One Audience. When we are captive to our Lord, there is not one place in our lives that we can claim as exclusively ours and not surrendered to Him. So, no matter how long or how much you think you served God, if it was indeed for Him, it is impossible to say enough. This is not “high and lofty knowledge”. It is basic Lordship servitude for one whose life has been redeemed from Hell to Glory.

Practice advice: Submit to your church and serve with others. Continue the God-ward ministry wherever you go (work, home, alone, etc.)

To sum, if you’re progressing well in the above three areas, you are growing well spiritually. As you can see, each area can have myriads of creative applicational avenues, but those are the basic frameworks, the basic foundational ideas that you can use to pursue theology, doxology and practice of Christian maturity.

If you want to read more about Prof. Frame’s triperspectivalism, you can get a taste of it in his short primer article here.

QUESTION 2.

I OFTEN GET ADVICE WITHIN CHRISTIAN CIRCLES TO ‘ONLY START DATING WHEN YOU ARE READY TO GET MARRIED’. HOWEVER, THERE ARE A LOT OF GREY AREAS TO NAVIGATE. CAN YOU GIVE SOME INDICATORS ARE THE BEST WAY TO DISCERN?

I agree with that advice. But to qualify my agreement, I have to specify what I mean by “ready to be married.” Does it mean having all the financial means for the wedding, honeymoon location picked out, and having set up a home for your newly married life? Does it mean to know the other person so completely as to be able to say “yes” if the proposal happened the next minute? Having the dress and the songs picked out? Obviously not. Or perhaps that wasn’t so obvious to you. ;)

The true readiness has to do with the right understanding of marriage and dating for the purpose of marriage. In other words, you need to start with the end in mind. But you can’t start if you don’t know what that “end game” looks like. Also, by this “end” I don’t mean a fixed demand of a certain external outcome. I mean the principles that will serve as a lasting bedrock for your marriage. What are those things? I’ll just mention (3) things.

One. You need to understand that marriage was and is God’s original idea. It is a part of God’s creation ordinance for human flourishing, to establish family and society. Much of God’s good design and intent is now defaced by sin and rebellious ideas that violate this gift. But you must insist on God’s way; and not be persuaded in any other way. Marriage is between one man and one woman! This would naturally disqualify all other so-called relationships.

Two. You need to understand that while there are all kinds of marriages out there, including Christians who become entangled in very un-Christian relationships, a true Christian marriage is between two committed Christians who dedicate their relationship and lives entirely to Christ. Just because “church-goers” marry, that doesn’t mean they will have a Christian marriage. It takes conscious coordination of two disciples of Jesus to make a Christian marriage.

Three. You need to understand that mature people make good marriages. Maturity also means selfless and responsible character, and not prone to demands and temperamental fits. Mature people have a strong sense of direction in life, a vision if you will (at least in principle if not specific paths). But these character traits cannot be detected from across the room, or overnight. Handsome/pretty face and hot body do not tell you who is “ready” for the demanding journey in life-partnership. You must be willing to patiently do your research before jumping in. More importantly, you must be willing to be that person for your future mate. These all take patience to acquire. And patience requires time and LOTS of prayer.

So there. If you can discern these three things, if you know your “end-game,” you are ready to date for marriage!

I also recommend reading Tim & Kathy Keller’s “The Meaning of Marriage”. This is must-read for my premarital counselling couples.

(Questions have been edited for length and clarity.)

If you have ever wondered about topics such as these, are curious about the how’s and why’s of Christianity or have any other questions in general ask Pastor Jim anything here.